One of the most important phrases in our self-esteem 12 Steps is "made a decision," as in:

Step 3: Made a decision to initiate a process of letting go of some of these perceptions and to cultivate openness to new perceptions of ourselves.

and

Step 10: On the basis of our new knowledge, we made a decision to align our lives, relationships, and habits to what feels healthy, sustainable and manageable for us.

The reason I like "made a decision" so much is that before I knew I was autistic, I wasn't able to make decisions the way I can now. Masking, people-pleasing, exaggerating my own abilities, and covering up for what I saw a deficiencies all pushed me into choices I wouldn't have made if I had known about autism. I felt the these "decisions" of mine were wrong, but couldn't articulate why - they seemed right for everyone else who was making them. That disconnect led me to a constant feeling of unease and worsened both my self-esteem and self-concept.

Today, I am more able to truly make decisions. I increasingly know what factors affect my well being and what to do about them. I'm less influenced by coping mechanisms like people-pleasing and masking. That's why "made a decision" is important to me.

Share questions:

• Does the ability to make decisions relate at all to your self-esteem? Self-concept?  How? 
• Is the ability to make a decisions a value for you? In what way? 
• Has your experience of decision-making changed since you learned you are autistic? Please describe. 
• What was the most recent significant decision you made that you feel you were pushed into? How did it happen? 
• What about the most recent decision that you feel you made independently? What were the dynamics there? 
• Are there still areas where you are not free to make your own decisions? What are they? 
• Are there some cases in which you feel okay giving up or suspending your right to make independent decisions, like in a partnership? Describe. 
• Any tools, resources, or strategies to share? 
• Anything else to add?