My perfectionism and black-and-white thinking sometimes tell me that if my self-esteem isn't super high all the time, something is wrong. But the 12 Step concept of manageability reminds me that self-esteem can be healthy when it's somewhere between high an low, giving me a mix of "positive" and "negative" thoughts about myself over the course of any given day.

Having self-esteem somewhere in the middle has benefits. For example...

• My self-esteem keeps me on an even keel. I don't feel intrinsically better or worse than other people in general.

• When making plans, my self-esteem allows me to make realistic predictions about how they'll turn out. I don't have over-the-top expectations of success or failure.

• When I'm feeling low, my self-esteem helps pick me back up by reminding me of my dignity, intrinsic worth, and humanity. When I'm feeling especially proud of myself, my self-esteem keeps me from causing myself trouble through overconfidence.

In my pre-identification days, extra-low self-esteem caused my life to be unmanageable. But that doesn't mean I'm bad if my self-esteem isn't high all the time. Extra-high self-esteem can make life less manageable, too. Maybe the right level for my self-esteem is the level that makes my life most manageable. How is it for you?

Share questions:

• Has extra-high or extra-low self-esteem ever brought unmanageability into your life? What happened? 
• Is there a "sweet spot" level for your self-esteem that adds manageability to your life? What is it like? 
• Has your self-esteem ever pulled you back up from feeling low, or kept you from going too far while feeling especially confident? 
• Do you ever self-blame for not having universally high self-esteem? Are there any circumstances in which that self-blame is especially likely to occur?
• Any tools, resources, or strategies that helped you with this topic? 
• Anything else to add?