Something that has been helping me recently is differentiating between self-esteem and self-confidence.

Self-esteem, to me, means things like:

• Do I respect myself? 
• Do I believe I have an intrinsic worth as a human being, the same worth others have? 
• Do I stand up for myself when necessary? 
• Do I feel able to have equal relationships with others, neither controlling nor being controlled?

Meanwhile, self-confidence, to me, means things like:

• Do I believe I will succeed in something specific that I attempt? 
• Have I had experiences that tested me and showed me my capabilities and resilience? 
• Can I gain experiences over time that will increase my belief in my success in certain areas? 
• Do I feel surer of success in some areas than in others?

Thinking about the differences has led to some realizations:

• Self-esteem doesn't have to be earned. It's been hard to wrap my mind around that. I feel like I'm getting something for nothing. But we are all born with a right to self-esteem. 
• At times when I'm not feeling a lot of self-confidence, I can still feel my self-esteem telling me that I am worthy of respect and consideration regardless of performance. 
• My self-confidence can go up and down depending on where I am, who I am with, and what I am doing. However, it's possible for self-esteem to remain consistent no matter what else is happening. 
• Self-confidence can be good and important, too. But no matter how high self-confidence becomes, it's not a replacement for self-esteem.

I personally am often tempted to place more emphasis on self-confidence as a measure of mental health than self-esteem. At unhealthy times in my life, it has replaced self-esteem. Perhaps that was because I was measuring self-worth through performance and potential. In my mind, higher self-confidence was linked to achievement, which was linked with deserving love. I felt I wasn't valuable if I wasn't achieving. Reminding myself that self-confidence and self-esteem are two different things helps me to access my sense of self-esteem.

What about you? How do you see the relationship between self-esteem and self-confidence?

Share questions:

• What, to you, are the similarities and differences between self-esteem and self-confidence? 
• How does self-esteem make you feel? How does self-confidence make you feel? 
• Do you ever conflate self-confidence and self-esteem? What is that like?
• What life experiences have improved your self-confidence? 
• Has your self-confidence improved in any areas since learning you are autistic? 
• Any tools, strategies, or resources to share? 
• Anything else to add?