My inner state was so unpredictable pre-identification. Maybe that's why I learned to rely on others' reactions to gauge whether I was "good" or not. If I tried to shape my own self-esteem, it was by doing things that would make others show approval and love.

This approach often was successful, and I felt good about myself. On the other hand, if people weren't around, or they didn't have the energy or time to show approval, I had nothing inside me to hold up my self-esteem until they came back. My self-esteem became dependent on what was going on around me, and that made day to day life more unmanageable.

One of the things I'm looking for in my self-esteem journey is predictability. To be able to shape my own self-esteem through my actions and thoughts. I think it would be good for me to hear about other group members' efforts to shape their own self-esteem and what happened, both positive and negative.

Share questions:

• What efforts have I made so far in my life to shape my own self-esteem, both successful and unsuccessful?
• What was my thought process behind doing some of those things?
• If I do things to try and influence my own self-esteem, do they tend to be self-care-oriented? Interpersonal? Values-based? Other?
• Does my self-esteem tend to be improved by outer actions? Inner mindset? Both? Other?
• Have I ever been surprised by something I did that helped my self-esteem?