From an anonymous contributor

I keep thinking about the Step 1 concept of factors affecting our sense of self and self-esteem that seem out of our control. For me, it's not just "seem". Some of these factors still really are out of my control. I even feel like new factors have emerged to cause unmanageability in my self-esteem since learning I'm autistic.

For example, I find myself keeping a distance from people, as I assume they won't ever understand my story. This is actually relatively new for me. It's almost like the more I understand about my autism and the surroundings that determined my life experiences, the more I am reluctant to put myself in a position where I might be blamed for my situation or blamed for actually pointing out the realities of said situation. But the distance I'm taking isn't exactly good for my self-esteem, either.

Complicating this situation is my new awareness of dynamics in my pre-identification years. For example, one of the things that affect my sense of self and self-esteem is clearly overstimulation, including meltdowns and burnout. I know I should feel relieved to know my lack of control in certain situations was never my fault. I don`t always feel that way, though. Instead, I feel confused and angry at a thought I've been having that a lot of the "mistakes" I made before identification, are now no longer MY mistakes. Best-case scenario, they happened due to a lack of information about autism. But I have to admit that they also happened because I was misled by people who might have known better if they had tried a little harder. It's like those pre-identification years created a baseline lack of trust that's now making it harder for me to work through the misunderstandings of the present.

I realize that regardless of who or what is responsible for the mistakes of the past, it is me though who needs to operate from a base built on those mistakes now. But how can I break out of this prison of misunderstandings?

Share questions:

• Does your mistrust from past experiences ever make it hard for you to navigate misunderstandings in the present? 
• Do you ever feel distanced from people because you're worried about being blamed for who you are, or for where you are in life? Because you're worried about how others will react if you tell your truth? 
• Do mistrust and misunderstanding in your life ever feel unmanageable? What is it like? 
• Has it ever seemed like knowing more about yourself, and knowing more about autism, has caused unmanageability in your life in certain ways? 
• How do these questions relate to your self-esteem and self-concept?
• Any tools, resources, or strategies to share?
• Anything else to add?