Creativity: Now there's a word with a big impact on my sense of self and self-esteem. Largely, it's been a positive impact. I have always created things. My parents and school encouraged artistic and musical self-expression and provided tools and lessons. As I grew up, creativity was a big part of what helped me feel self-reliant. Today, I have less time for purely artistic creativity, but I find a lot of pleasure in inventing new ways of doing things in my job, my personal life, and my community service. My creativity since learning about autism has blossomed in new ways, in large part because I've finally been able to treat myself properly with lifestyle changes and medication, resulting in having more spoons than before and feeling more grounded in my creativity. Creating used to be part of my mask. Now it's more genuine, and that feels great.

On the other hand, people's reception of my creativity has always been fraught. My commitment, tunnel vision, and talent seem not to be relatable to many, so I've felt isolated in that respect. I also haven't known how to interpret people's reception of my creative products. Are they just saying they enjoy my work to be nice? I like approval, but there's always been something unsettling about it, too, because I don't fully know what's behind it. I have a dislike of being perceived, and I think some of that extends to my work, as well, even though the prospect of showing others my work is part of what motivates me to be creative in the first place.

The word "creative" itself is unsettling to me. I was given that label by teachers at too young an age to understand what it was, and the word still feels a bit eerie and hollow to me. To be frank, I associate it with neglect: adults called me creative but weren't invested in a deeper way. I needed help, and they gave me appreciation. It's possible my PDA also contributes to my resentment of being called creative: I generally do resist definition from outside. My justice sensitivity might be another consideration. I create, but most people do, and I am uneasy at the idea that some people are called creative and some aren't. Some activities are called creative, and others aren’t. It seems like a value judgment I don't want to participate in.  

So my feelings are mixed. I feel the blessings of creativity every day and couldn't imagine life without being creative, now more than ever. At the same time, I have lingering pain and doubts. What about you? Have your experiences been similar or different, and how?

Share questions:

• To you, what is creativity? How does creativity manifest in your life? 
• Do you regard some things you do as less creative, and some as more creative? 
• Do you ever feel down on yourself for not being as creative as you want to be? 
• What has creativity's role been in your self-care? Getting in touch with or expressing your values? In your relationships with other individuals and groups? 
• How has your creativity manifested in your post-identification journey with autism? For example, has your recovery from you pre-identification years had a "Do It Yourself" side to it? What have you created in order to help your life become happier and healthier?
  
• Any tools, resources, or strategies to share?
• Anything else to add?