My relationship with my face has changed a lot since I learned I'm autistic. Before identification, I was never sure what I looked like, never sure what to look for in my own face, never knowing what others saw when they looked at me. One of the most powerful experiences of my life was looking at myself in a mirror right after learning I'm autistic and thinking, "I am an autistic person. This is an autistic face." For the first time, I felt like I was truly looking at myself.

Pre-identification, my face was a source of stress as a giveaway for my masking. I was constantly trying to keep my face neutral or happy-looking to hide the intense pain and anxiety inside. At times, my face would physically hurt from the artificial expressions. Post-identification there's not as much pain inside that needs hiding, and I and those around me know I'm autistic, so there's less of a need to hide. When my face is showing pain, I know how to take care of myself until it gets back to a manageable level. I still mask sometimes, but my face hasn’t hurt from fake expressions in a long time.

I'm at peace with my features and aging. Nothing about my face is what you'd call "regular", but that's okay. My nose is my nose. My eyes are my eyes. My mouth is my mouth. My skin is my skin. Since identification enabled me to take better care of myself, I use medication and strong routines that help me get more sleep, eat better for me, and even exercise from time to time, so I look a little healthier than I did before. I'm certainly more relaxed. I think other people respond to my vibe, and my features don't matter as much. I'm content with that. After years of masking, looking in the mirror and seeing and knowing who I am is such a big relief that I don't think I'll ever be bothered by my face again, including during the aging process.

My face gives me privileges in certain ways. I haven't done much to conform to the beauty standards of our times, but I'm white and my face looks healthy and still somewhat youthful, which means I'm not given the extra challenges that many other people are, being discriminated against purely on the basis of how they look. My face gives me the option to mask in ways other people don't have. Awareness of privilege from my face is part of my self-concept, too.

How about you? How does your face relate to your self-image and self-esteem?

Share questions:

• What is your relationship with your face? How does your face relate to your self-image and self-esteem? 
• Has your relationship with your face changed since you learned you are autistic? Please describe. 
• What is your favorite thing about your face? 
• Is there anything you do to your face to get a certain reaction from others, or get others to perceive you in a specific way? What is it? 
• Have you ever used any facial modifications, like makeup, hair plucking or shaving, piercing, aesthetic surgery, other? Has it helped your self-image? 
• How do you feel about your face as it ages?
  
• Does your face give you any privileges in life compared to other people?
  
• Any tools, resources, or strategies to share? 
• Anything else to add?