Step 6 asks us to consider how outside influences have shaped our self-esteem, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationships with non-neurodivergent loved ones. Finding out I’m autistic has helped me to start understand those relationships better, including with my non-neurodivergent partner. Pre-identification, our different styles of thought sometimes made me question myself, my attitudes, and my instincts. That impacted the way I saw myself and my value as a person.

Post-identification, I’m gaining more confidence in my style of thought as my knowledge grows about my autistic profile. It can still sometimes be difficult to communicate my realizations and changes to my partner, though, which can have its own impact on my sense of self and self-esteem.

Steps 7, 8, and 9 are helping me navigate this by contextualizing my relationship with my partner within my broader journeys with caring for myself, learning my values, and reconsidering my relation to other individuals and groups. Keeping these dynamics in mind makes me feel more confident that my self-esteem journey is bigger than this one relationship. As time goes by, I can continue to become more healthy and improve my self-esteem even during times when my partner and I aren’t totally on the same page (as painful as that can be).

Meanwhile, sharing those three Steps with my partner has opened larger conversations about our shared “self care” for our relationship, our shared and different values, and how each of us relates to other individuals and groups. My ability to bring these conversations to our relationship has helped my self-image.

What about you? How has your relationship with a non-neurodivergent partner or other loved one influenced your sense of self and self-esteem?

Share questions:

• Have you ever had a non-neurodivergent partner or other loved one? How did the dynamic affect your self-image and self-esteem pre-identification? 
• Has anything changed post-identification? 
• What have been some difficulties of close relationships with non-neurodivergent loved ones?
• If your relationship with a non-neurodivergent loved one actively helps your sense of self and self-esteem, how did that happen? What’s working? 
• Has your self-esteem journey with autism ever impacted a close relationship with a non-neurodivergent person in an unexpected and positive way? 
• Has your identification ever helped a "non-neurodivergent" partner or other loved one recognize that they are actually neurodivergent? Did it influence your sense of self or self-esteem?
• What happened? Any tools, resources, or strategies to share? Anything else to add?